i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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