I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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