made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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