You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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