I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
