This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
third nipple confirmed
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
