I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
