Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
