I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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