you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
