I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i think i have two assholes
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Success! We fucked roommates!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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