Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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