please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
