definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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