he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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