It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
