Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
