Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
