Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
