i think my mom watched the whole time
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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