He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
