Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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