I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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