u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
