I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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