she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
