just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
