We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
