my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
