How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
