unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
