My liver just broke up with me...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
