I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
