Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
