just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Warsđ
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I should have known it wouldnât work. Someone saved in her phone as âSubway Sexâ called the week before the wedding
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