recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
