So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
