She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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