Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
