Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
