When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
