My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
