his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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