Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
