i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
