i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
