do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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