i just google imaged poop.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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