you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
