yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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