Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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