Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
