He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
