Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
