Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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