Christians are straight up FREAKS
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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