I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
