somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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