i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
