I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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